The Twin of Doubt

Let us imagine something we experience a great deal, to begin our article today. We have gone to bed, we have fallen deeply asleep, and we have forgotten most of what happened while we slept. We awake, and now we are - here. No matter how deep we wrestle with doubt as an opponent, we are here. We experience a here.

In the West, we have - and continue to have - an obsession with what is evident. It would seem logical that we would ask, "What does it mean for something to be evident? What is that?" The fact is, in the West we never did ask, and we only ask now because our contact with Asian concepts is far more significant today. The concern with what exactly, "evident," is, goes back to some of the earliest Vedic records, which are either a few centuries older than our oldest records, around 7000 years or so, or perhaps as many as 8000 years old. Our first Thomas to ask, "What is that?" was Kant, and he asked that somewhere around 6000 years later.

Let me explain two sort of basic principles about life, and these are not wonderful things to think about, but let us just think for a bit. First, what exists is not what we desire to exist. No one really has what they desire, in part because our desires have no limits. Second, what we are aware of that exists is almost always what we desire to exist. In other words, as a human being, part of our psychology exhibits a very strong tendency to blind ourselves to many realities that are not realities that we desire to be real.

The thing is - this does not have to be a moral judgment. Our worst examples of human beings take their blindness to an excess that is malignant, but in many ways - sometimes you would just rather not know. There isn't anything wrong with that, if you are not dysfunctional or malignant. Also, no cat could be more curious than the average example of humanity. In Genesis - on our eighth day of Creation, we get a rather stern warning - nice apple, big mistake!

There are people with some skill at turning away the forbidden fruit in life - and these are very blessed people. It is not one of my better skills, but still - example - the first collection of short stories by Clive Barker is called - "The Books of Blood." So, I bet you that this original volume contains more knowledge than that scary-leprous "Hellbound Heart." I also love the short-story form. As an adult, the short-story is by far my favorite form of fiction.

I opened that book at a bookstore at a young age, read 3 lines, was violently ill the remainder of the day, I remember nothing about those lines - and - get this! - as curious as I am about the material, I have never owned the book or read even a line more of that book. I am not even tempted to go find the book as I recount this to you now. So we can reverse the eighth day of Creation to some degree, even a man like me who peers into what most say shouldn't be peered into at all.

So let us kind of revisit the question of doubt and evidence. What can be quite terrifying in life is that when we reduce our evidence to what we have the best evidence for - we only have - here. That is about all we can prove from our own experience. We have encountered another day, and another - here. What is here exactly? What is that?

From what is evident - we can only say that we are an existence experiencing an existence. We might take Descartes' "cogito ergo sum," - "I think and therefore I am," - and we might revise it to "Something experiences something." Or - there is an experience that is experiencing a here. We have met An's void again, and we can only reply to An, "I must exist because I experience an existence." When we reduce our human life to its foundation, we have that - here. Anything else we know - we don't know.

It occurs to me today that is has taken me a great deal of strength to live my life, and that it may take just as much strength to read the catalogues I have made of my life. I know many people don't have such strength, but the world's Athenaem interests me, and I have offered some material in public that seems like it might be of interest in the dialogue in that Athenaeum. Further, my public work is not my private work, and I have tailored what I say in public quite carefully for the public audience.

My private work is mostly diary material, and most of that has been thrown away. I have one completed blank-book diary that isn't going to be thrown away, and a second one that is getting near to full. I have a sure hand at my thoughts, and the second diary in my house right now has a plan in terms of its writing. However, a completed work is drafted, edited and revised.

I am working on some complete works at the moment, and these are very different things than my diary material. Some of that material is on these sites, but most of it isn't. Those works are the works that motivate my life. I diary only because it is a good practice and exercise, no matter how worthwhile the material is in those diaries. When - or if - people look at my completed works, my obsession with morbidity will become incredibly more clear. I will leave it behind for those who will to discern and decide as to its value.

There are four works planned for completion, one a set of myths that I have revised to my own sensibilities and put into the form of poetry, then the work on, "The Work of Completion," then a work in scraps at this stage about fundamental logic and my own philosophical ideas, and then at least one more that I'm not going to discuss at the moment. Also - I have an intense interest in synthetic language, so I may complete a work on a synthetic language, if I'm given the time to do such a work that actually has some value.

It occurs to me as well that I'm interested in short stories, and I've been thinking about some tacks to take with the short-story form of fiction. Also, I'd like to do some writing for comic-books. The form interests me a great deal, especially since our ability to create art now intensifies the value of the work instead of diminishes its value. Also, a comic-book writer is severely limited in his possible tacks to take, and the thought of working under such severe limitations is something I find very exciting and interesting.

All in a day's work, and I've decided to blog for the time being, and see where this early morning on Friday leads next. Often when I begin public work, I do a good amount of the public work and then take a break from all of my work for a few days. It all means a great deal to me, and it may be interesting to touch on something that will require a bit of bravery for me to discuss in public, and if I decide to do so, then it will be in the next article at this blog. I will be taking a break and listening to some tunes, and then I will return.